How to play Instruments As Told By Stock Photos

What the Stock!?

We got the following Facebook comment the other day about a Stock Image we used:
'Ha, nice picture there, especially the embouchure and LH placement...'
For your information, it's the newest technique in avant-garde playing. It's not. I made that up. Don't do this. You will drop your instrument and have a droopy face. Anyway, we took this as an invitation...


Badly Played Sax This technique is one of our favourites here at Normans. We call it the 'reed wrecker'. This is an important technique to have in your repertoire as it is imperative to completely break the reed in order to get a more complete sound from your Saxophone. However, there is one obvious flaw in his playing style, as you can see he is clearly forcing the note out. Once again, this is highly recommended, but he’s clearly not forcing the note hard enough. He’s not even purple yet! Rookie. It’s a well-known fact forcing notes out when you’re struggling just makes everything you play sound flawless.

Who Needs A Mouthpiece?...

Mouthpiece Stock Photo

Mouthpiece? Good joke. You see the big secret about all instruments – not just saxophones - is that you don’t actually need mouthpieces to play. They are a ploy by big businesses to squeeze more money out of you and everyone has fallen for it! Don’t hate the player, hate the game. #Capitalism

Musical Multitasking

Musical MultitaskingAs any wind player will tell you, this guy has got it going on. Breath control is vitally important when playing any sort of wind instrument. As you can see our friend here is playing while smoking. He is a genius, I bet his IQ even hits double figures!

Child Prodigy

Young Flute PlayerThis little lad has obviously been taught by the best. Here he demonstrates perfectly that you only need one hand to have full access to all 16 or so keys. Just think, all this time you have been playing with two hands when you could have been having a nice snack on your other five fingers and a good suck on the embouchure hole. We have all been missing out.

Trends That Suck

We have yet again another near perfect embouchure technique. This woman has mastered the art of music. You can see from the shape of her cheeks that she is using just the right amount of 'suckiness' (technical term) to produce a perfect sound. With this technique you could pass Grade 8 with your eyes closed.

And Finally, The Trumpet Magician

Playing A Trumpet Wrong

Well, where do we start on this immaculate display musical genius? He is simply nailing it. From only needing to use two fingers to play with all three valves, to having a gap between his lips so wide, one might mistake it for Moses parting the red sea. (This open lip technique gives a real airy tone to your playing that is otherwise difficult to achieve.) Not to mention this fine show of the difficult to master art of supporting the Trumpet within an inch of dropping it, thus allowing you to put more strength into pushing down those heavy, heavy valves.

Disclaimer: if you actually play like this, you WILL fail your grade/lose your competition/get kicked out of your band/break your instrument or face. Mostly, you'll look like an idiot. You're welcome.